Well the image sums it up…I’ve been diagnosed with a form of Bipolar Disorder. I have the lower level that the psychiatric world calls Cyclothymic  Disorder. For years I’ve been having severe mood swings; mostly towards the depressed/angry side of this disorder. I finally decided to seek help last Sunday (May 16). I wanted to be a better wife and mother. I knew something was going on, it was close to destroying my marriage. In my depressive state I want to run away from everything. In my manic state, I love everything about my life and I am at peace with what have (or don’t have).

This disorder is confusing to some people. A lot of people don’t believe in mental illness and think that it’s fixable with some motivation. This is so not true. These feelings of extreme happiness, depression and anger or uncontrollable. I feel bad for hubby as he bears the majority of my snappiness. He can say something totally innocent and I take it the wrong way and fly off the handle. Afterwards when the BP episode is over with, I feel horrible and re-think what had happened and realize that it was totally lame for me to react like that.

I had my first appointment with my psychiatrist on Wed (May 19). He gave me some samples of Abilify I can’t tell if it is working yet or not. He said it would take up to 3 weeks. I’ve been on it for 3 days. My only side affect that has gone away was nausea. The first day was horrible. I had to leave church because I felt so awful.

So there you have it; my dirty secret. If anyone has any resources or has BP, please contact me as I only know one other person with it. I would love to be apart of a BP community…ideas anyone?

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