Sacred Influence, chapter 1.

Chapter 1 study guide questions/answers

1. What is the difference between trying to change and man and trying to influence him?

I believe that trying to change a man has negative motivations behind it. It has your own agenda behind it in making him change to benefit you. Influencing a man is acting in such a way that he WANTS to be a better person; he doesn’t feel like you are nagging him. We influence a man by example and through the grace of God. We are able to demonstrate the love that God has for us.

2. Do you think it’s true that women tend to be more invested in their marriages than men? If so, why do you think this may be the case? What are the challenges of such a reality?

 I was invested more in my marriage in the sense of trying to make it a fairytale. i wanted to be Cinderella or Snow White with my perfect prince. It wasn’t until recently that these type of relationship just don’t happen. They are work. If you want the fairytale…you can have it, you just have to work at it. I don’t think men have the romanticized view of marriage that lots of women have. As young girls we are surrounded by fairy tales of perfect love at first sight. I think men accept marriage for what it is..two people getting married who now live with each other. I think both men and women can be more invested in a relationship than their spouse. I don’t think it’s predominantly one sex or the other. I do believe that men and women have different views on what their marriage will be like and try to invest in making it their view…instead of Gods.

3. If you “caught” your husband bragging about you, what do you think he would be saying? What would you like to hear him say in the future? Identify some things you can start doing to build on this.

I would love to catch my husband bragging on me! That would be the ultimate compliment! I would LOVE if he talked about how good of a mom I am, how I keep the house clean and have dinners ready. Of course, I don’t expect him to brag on these things just yet as I am learning how to be an effective housewife (after 5 years of marriage you’d think i’d have it figured out by now). I know exaclty what I need to do..I need to get organized, make myself a schedule and stay motivated to be the best wife and mother I can be. This includes doing the most mundane housework, the less enjoyable parts of being a mom. I need to learn to have joy in everything I do.

 4. On a scale of one to ten, one being, “i feel best about myself when men like me and pay attention to me.” and ten being, “I believe I’m worthy because I’m made in the image of God and am loved by God,” where would you fall? What can women do–for themselves and to encourage other women–to move up that scale?

Had you asked me this question 10 years ago…my answer would have been a solid 1. My father passed away when I was 11 years old so I’ve looked to men a lot to fill that hole in my heart from not having a father. Now, at this exact moment, I would say i’m a 7. (Which is a better number then 5 years ago when I married my husband, i was probably about a 5 then.) I have slowly learned that I need to look for God to fulfill the needs of my heart.

5. How does your image of yourself as a woman compare with the Scriptures Gary shared in this chapter? What was compatible? What was different?

(still working on this answer. will update when i have it.)

6. What are the marks of a woman who has turned her marriage into idolatry? How would doing this undercut a woman’s power to positively influence her husband in a godly way?

(still working on this answer. will update when i have it.) 


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